WWJD: What Would Jesus Do? No, What Would I Do.
It’s no secret that I’ve been “struggling with my faith” lately. I’ve not hidden it; I’ve quite literally put clips of me all over the internet talking about my utter lack of faith in The Church and the general Christian religion (see: the podcast episode where I talk about my journey with and from Christianity). So I’m sure this comes as no surprise.
This “journey,” if you will, has been simultaneously both the most difficult and most freeing experience of my life. On one hand, I finally feel free to determine my own values system; free to conduct myself in a manner that aligns with my values, my beliefs, and my purpose. While I was following the Christian faith, I agreed with most of the values established by the Church, but from a young age, I found myself constantly questioning the validity of claims made by its Bible and leaders.
At middle school church camp, I was confronted with 2 questions that upset my entire beliefs system: first, why is the Christian Bible the only accepted Bible when there are other documents just as old, if not older, which make similar but also entirely different claims. Second, how egotistical must a God be, not to require goodness and kindness for entrance to his utopia, but solely belief in his Son’s death? How cruel must this God be to banish good people to eternal damnation because they chose to lead a good life following another religion?
Before you ask, yes, I was brainy and annoying as a kid; constantly asking why and how, wanting to know the explanation of pretty much everything. I even asked my pastor, with a very accusing tone I’m sure, where the dinosaurs fit into the Bible, because I found the evidence for pterodactyls much more convincing than the evidence for Christ.
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My questioning nature and hard-headedness have now culminated into not only questioning the foundational beliefs of the Church, but questioning my own desire and beliefs in the God I once gave my entire life to. So, while it has been wholly renewing to experience life in accordance with values that I alone established, it has also been lonely, confusing, and daunting. I am not fully certain where I stand on my relationship with Christianity’s God; which leaves me in a new place, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.
But, I’d be remiss not to mention the loss I feel in my soul from this disconnection. Leaving a community so tightly knit is not an easy task and at times has felt like stepping away from a privilege offered to me on a platter. I struggle to explain this journey, knowing that many can’t begin to fathom how much consideration I have put into each and every decision that led me here. It’s hard to look people in the face and tell them that I wish I could go back, it would be easier for me to go back, to turn off that part of my brain that asks for a logical explanation for each of their beliefs. But I can’t and I won’t. Instead, I have found solace, peace, and freedom, in a values system that I crafted for myself.
Whether you consider yourself religious or not, I think knowing your personal values should be top priority. So, let’s get into what it looks like to figure out your personal values.
If you grew up in the Christian faith, I have no doubt you’ve heard the initialism phrase: WWJD: What Would Jesus Do? This, in theory, helps kids make conscientious, grace-oriented decisions. If you don’t know what to do in a situation, you’re encouraged to ask yourself, what would Jesus do?
By the end of this article, I aim to provide you a different tool to assist you in making decisions– WWID? (What would I do?) Finding trust in yourself is immeasurably valuable; allowing you to rely on your own intuition and values in difficult situations. Go ahead and download this worksheet so you can work alongside me. Use code: WWID to get it free!
When I first took a look at this values worksheet, I internally laughed a little, thinking “well, of course my values are this, that, and those. Aren’t everyone’s?” Turns out, my friends, no. What seems obvious and important to you, may not even make the list on your peers’ list. Every person is unique, down to the seemingly obsolete words they consider their foundational values.
First, as the worksheet says, I encourage you to seek out the 10 words that jump out to you the most. Consider these questions when you do so:
What qualities matter most to me?
What is my definition of a great person, life or experience?
How do I aim to carry myself?
How would I want my friends to describe their time with me?
What most offends me when violated?
Here are my current top 10 values
Honesty
Collaboration
Authenticity
Communication
Harmony
Autonomy
Courage
Curiosity
Playfulness
Rest
Notice that a few of mine are not on the worksheet; I actually really encourage you to write your own in. This is about you and your values, not some words that Lauren and I put on a piece of paper.
Now that we’ve gotten your first 10 out of the way, I want you to whittle those down to 5. Here are my current top 5:
Authenticity
Honesty
Harmony
Courage
Communication
I’m asking you to slowly but surely narrow these words because I want you to recognize the value of knowing yourself and what is most important to you. I am someone who values timeliness (direct result of a very timely basketball coach in high school, no doubt), but I know that I value communication and honesty even more than timeliness… If someone is going to be late or cancel plans with me, I am totally okay with it IF THEY COMMUNICATE THAT WITH ME. Truly, Hell hath no fury like me when someone doesn’t communicate that they’re running late, or –God forbid– making me late to something. But for me, at its core, it isn’t about the being late part, it’s about a broken commitment that hasn’t been communicated.
So, let’s do this one more time. Pick ONE. What is the end all be all for you? At your core, what is the MOST important value in your life? If you had to pick a single word to conduct yourself by, what would it be? What do you value?
My number one value in life, my biggest priority, my purpose is authenticity. I found myself settling on this word because throughout my life I have struggled with accepting who I am, with being a little different than everyone in my hometown, with putting on a face to be just like everyone else because it was easier.
All ten of my values are important to me, yes. But when I step out of authenticity, I can physically feel myself get uncomfortable. I’ll begin to feel symptoms of deep-rooted anxiety; nausea, overthinking, frustration, confusion, & discomfort in myself. When I am no longer being authentic, when I try to “fake it til I make it,” I feel 16 again and I feel all the work I’ve done to grow over these past 8 years slipping through my fingers.
As I’ve begun to settle into my personality and realize that not only can I embrace my authentic self, but there are people in the world who celebrate my uniqueness alongside me. I root myself now in authenticity because there was a time when I found myself masking my personality to be palatable to those around me. I carry myself in a way that is true and honest to me. When making decisions, I ask my intuition if it feels right in my body, if it aligns with the journey I am writing for myself. Authenticity is core to who I am and how I conduct myself every single day.
To my friends who are religious, please hear me when I say that understanding your own values does not, in any way, undermine your faith. I hope that by doing this work, you see your values reflecting that which you believe. Your values are unique to you because each of us has our own life experiences that shape who we are and who we will become.
I encourage you to reassess your values when you feel yourself going through a life shift. The seasons of life are ever changing and you change with them, my friend. Don’t be afraid to allow yourself to grow and shift as you experience new things. Change is beautiful and we can blossom as a result; so be kind to yourself, be open to new ideas, experiences, and opportunities. Embrace yourself. Encourage change. Embody your values. And before you make that next hard decision, ask yourself, WWID?
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