Normal isn’t real, it’s yours, mine, and Sally-Sue’s. Don’t impose your “normal” on anybody else. Applying your individualized perception of normality to a question about the sexual behaviors of another is ignorant and self-important. 

It’s no secret that I’ve been “struggling with my faith” lately. I’ve not hidden it; I’ve quite literally put clips of me all over the internet talking about my utter lack of faith in The Church and the general Christian religion (see: the podcast episode where I talk about my journey with and from Christianity). So I’m sure this comes as no surprise.

This “journey,” if you will, has been simultaneously both the most difficult and most freeing experience of my life. On one hand, I finally feel free to determine my own values system; free to conduct myself in a manner that aligns with my values, my beliefs, and my purpose. While I was following the Christian faith, I agreed with most of the values established by the Church, but from a young age, I found myself constantly questioning the validity of claims made by its Bible and leaders.

I raise this question, this theory, if you will, because I remember the solace I found in birth control when I was on the pill. Throughout many stages of my life, I encountered non consensual and abusive acts that could have left me with an unwanted pregnancy and I found so much peace in knowing that I was on a contraceptive that I had control over. Similarly, when I was in relationships, I felt so much more relaxed during sexual encounters knowing that we had many protective measures in place to ensure pregnancy wasn’t an issue. Peace of mind surrounding your financial status and removal of possible unwanted pregnancy allows one to be present in sexual encounters, therefore making the sex better.

Whether you’re an avid fan, sure avoider, or tentative frequenter, I think we’re all aware of the power dirty talk can have. The idea of trying out dirty talk can be overwhelming for many people, but I’m here to tell you; it’s not that hard– we’ve just not seen good examples of it! Dirty talk in movies and books is often exaggerative and unrealistic. We love it when we see it in a story, but we don’t want to actually talk like that with our partners! And that’s totally okay.