May '23 Journal Prompts
Reflections on conscious and unconscious mothering, the “mother complex” and the matriarchy as we approach Mother’s Day on May 14, 2023.
Did your mother (or primary parent) have a concept of what a "perfect child" should be? If so, how did this affect you?
Did you ever feel that whatever wasn't perfect had to be pushed back in childhood and adolescence? If so, what did this include? Sexuality, dirty things (mud, nature, etc), spontaneity, natural emotions like anger and joy, or a love of the outdoors?
In her book, Conscious Femininity, Marion Woodman says that, "If you are living for an ideal (formed in childhood) and driving yourself as hard as you can to be perfect, you lose the natural slow rhythm of life... The state where you simply ARE is forgotten... In the feminine side of our being is a much slower, less rational side, a part that moves in a much more spontaneous natural, and receptive way, a part that accepts life as it is without judgement." In what ways is your current life seeking perfection and suppressing the sexual, dirty, messy, slower, responsive, and receptive?
Is perfection patriarchal? If so, are mothers who demand perfection in their children acting as matriarchal upholders of the patriarchy?
To love others from a place of integrated feminine, we must first love ourselves. "To do this we have to forgive ourselves for being human, because to be human in to have lots of faults; so you have to forgive, and then the love flows in." - Marion Woodman What human pieces of you need forgiveness so that you can more fully love yourself and others?
As we near Mother's Day I have been considering the analogy of childbirth I use often. There are so many times where I feel like I have been "born" into a new version of myself and these births have been very painful. Often repeat our own birth trauma. What do you know about your own birth? Where was your mother? Hospital, home, military base? Were you born vaginally or via Cesarean? Was your mother heavily drugged?
Woodman says that, "People who were born prematurely will try to go ahead of themselves. Cesarean births tend to fear confrontation. And people whose mothers were deeply drugged are the ones who tend to fall into an addiction." Do these seem true to you? Do you see this play out in your own life? The lives of your children?
Woodman says that there is a difference between conscious and unconscious mothering. An unconscious mother finds her meaning and whole identity in mothering. She imposes power on her children. "Eat what I say to and do what I say to do." Conscious mothers are not only identified with being a mother. They are aware of all things. They have an awareness of living. They are attuned to their bodies. They have the capacity to be open and alive, and they are able to receive. They feel the harmony of the whole universe in the marrow of their bones. Were you raised by a conscious or unconscious mother? What type of mothering do you see around you?
Regardless of whether or not you have children - what type of mother, employee, partner, friend are you? Are you solely defined by your role? Or are you open to allowing the other to decide who they would like to be?
Due to my personal story of mother-loss, I think I worshiped the role of mother - never pausing to see how this might negatively affect my relationships. Woodman says that, "Mother will put up with anything. Mother is unconditional love. When a woman says, "You must see me as I am, she is no longer being an ideal woman." What relationship do you have with the "mother complex?" Do you need to cut the umbilical cord with any relationships?
