Blog
Relief is washing over me…
May is almost over! Last week was the 15th Anniversary of my Mama’s death and I shared on my personal Instagram that I feel like I was born into a different version of myself on May 25, 2007.
Now, every year, as my body retraces the myriad of memories connected to the month of May, I am overcome by a deep sense of awareness. I am aware that I can choose to allow myself to embrace the pain that leads to another layer of transformation OR ignore the pleas of my body and push through - stubborn and unaffected.
Hope Edelman, author of Motherless Daughters, writes, “When a daughter loses a mother, the intervals between grief responses lengthen over time, but her longing never disappears. It always hovers at the edge of her awareness, prepared to surface at any time, in any place, in the least expected ways.”
It’s May
It’s May and my body remembers. My mama died on May 25th, 2007. May 4th should have been my 15th wedding anniversary, May 5th my parents 38th, May 8th Mother’s Day, May 16th her 64th birthday, and May 25th the 15th anniversary of her death.
I got married 10 days after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As I learn more about myself, I realize that this was a very normal thing for me to do. Throw a performative event in response to someone else’s need, in order that they might feel loved and I might feel purposeful. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this decision, I was doing the best I could with the information I had at the time.
Can I ask for your help?
I’ve been longing to nurture hearts in my home and I finally get to do it!
Are you ready to heal?
Is it time to lean into long ignored sexual wounds and allow them to heal at last? If so, I am here.
Pausing to celebrate!
Maybe I was never meant to climb the hill of difficulty.
For years I believed that the path of purity laid before me was equivalent to that of Christian’s from John Bunyan’s PILGRIM’S PROGRESS. I was taught that as I continued on my way in life I would reach the “Hill of Difficulty”; or temptation, or desire, or lust. It was my responsibility to choose the straight and narrow path. This was the right and holy thing and I should trust God to bless my obedience. Well, plot twist, I was NOT blessed. I was abused, manipulated, and traumatized.
Are purity cultures racist?
“I don’t think you can ever use the word ‘purity’ in American Culture and not be talking about race.” - Amy Frykholm, PhD - Associate Editor - The Christian Century
It should come as no surprise that protecting the pure white family and supporting the white child produced by that family, was not only the catalyst, but the holy purpose of the original purity movement.